Thursday, April 14, 2005
Weird dreams...
So I had a VERY strange dream last night that involved my ex-best friend (EBF) and her whole family. There were also a couple of random people from high school in it that didn't fit into the story at all and who I was not very close with?! It all started out when I broke into EBF's house to steal her PreSeed... of course her PreSeed was in pill form and the outside of the bottle read, "Coumadin, take before sex with a glass of red wine"! I only remember pieces and parts.... but at one point EBF and I were talking like we hadn't ignored each other for the past four years and everything was exactly as it had been before we went our seperate ways. I remember that at the end of the dream she caught me with her pills and pittied me for my needing them and for our situation. The funny thing about EBF showing up in my dream is that I don't regret ending our friendship. It was healthy, it was right, it was the adult thing to do. I do miss her sometimes but I think that is normal. I know in my head that my life is better without her and her dramatics. I think my dream was probably influenced by the raunchy episode of CSI I watched, my subconscious fear of starting the Clomid again and the emotions that Vixanne's recent posts about friends/acquaintances have stirred in me.

Tonight I pop my first pill. Bring on the hot flashes, the bitchiness, the headaches and the big old bloated belly! I am ready for it this time. I have all my "fat girl" clothes cleaned, pressed and ready to wear. UGH! Fertility drugs suck... I can't imagine what the ladies on high doses, crazy cocktails and injectibles go through every month! Some days I wonder if it is really all worth it.

Stay tuned - my posts are bound to get a little bit crazy over the next week or so!


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