Tuesday, March 11, 2008
12 months later...
I can't believe that it has been almost 12 months since I updated this blog. I suppose that I just needed time. This will be my last post here, but I will leave the blog up in the hopes that infertile women out there in internet land continue to come accross it and find some hope or comfort in its words.

On March 4th, 2008 this Mother of None became the proud Mother of Sons. I have given birth to the two most beautiful baby boys that I have ever seen. I am relieved to be writing the closing paragraph on this chapter of my life, but I am a better, stronger, different person for having lived it.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007
A long overdue update....
Sorry that I haven't been around for a few months. I just haven't been in the mood to blog. Thanks to those of you who continue to check in on me...

Husband and I did cycle again in November. We tried a different protocol but ended up with identical results (expect that we had 15 eggs retrieved this time). We now have conclusive evidence that I cannot create mature eggs - of course we don't know why. Anyway... the news was hard to take, but I think the long break in between cycles gave us time to prepare for the worst.

We are at yet another decision point in this whole trying to create a family fiasco... 1) we can attempt donor eggs; 2) we can start the adoption process; or 3) we can live child free. I already know what our decision is, but I haven't decided whether or not I am going to share it with the Internet. I will post again soon regardless of what I decide.

- P.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006
On March 4th, 7 months ago today, we went through our first IVF retrieval.  It was scary and exciting and in the end, heartbreaking.  We have spent the past seven months healing, being a family of two, reconnecting with each other, and finding a revived passion for our life.  Today we moved on.

After much thought and discussion we decided that it was time to re-group.  Literally.  We met with Dr. Funny today.  You may remember that a couple months back I was struggling whether to continue with Dr. Funny or move on to The. Number. One. Clinic. In. The. Country.  I made the decision to stick with Dr. Funny and I KNOW that it was the right decision.  

Moments after arriving at Dr. Funny’s office I heard “Hi! P!!! – How ARE you???”, it was my first nurse at Dr. Funny’s clinic, the one that did all of my IUIs.  She was pregnant last time I saw her, but has given birth (I assume) and is back to her sweet, petite southern self.  After our meeting with Dr. Funny (details below) we were loitering in the checkout area.  The radiologist (AKA the nicest Wand Monkey EVER) walked by, did a double take and exclaimed, “P!! How are you???”.   We continued to linger in the lobby and were eventually greeted by Nurse Spunky who gave us our drugs (oops spoiler…) and told us how excited she was to see our name on the schedule today.  She apparently wasn’t sure that we would come back.

I can promise you that this never, ever would have happened at the big, fancy clinic.  I know that sticking with Dr. Funny and his AWESOME staff was the best decision for us.  

Alright… I know you all want the details so here they come:

I should be greeted by another teenage-style period (you know the kind… bad cramps, big bloat, gobs of nasty pimples in the t-zone) any day now.  I am on day 28 (hey an infertile girl can try to quit but she is always going to count the days) and expect day one tomorrow or Friday.  BCP will start on approximately October 7th and my next period should be somewhere around October 30-31st (happy 30th birthday to me!!).  Retrieval will be approximately November 10th.

I am excited that in just over a month we will have answers.  Do I have poor egg quality?  Was the last cycle a fluke?  Am I destined to be the biological mother to a child?  Only time will tell.  We don’t have our hopes up and we are approaching this with guided optimism and the intentions of ending up with answers, not an embryo.

With that said, Husband and I have decided to keep this cycle between the two of us.  We are not telling family, friends or acquaintances.  It is none of their business.  When we know something we will share the something that we know.  For now we are leaning on each other, choosing to make this a personal adventure, and hoping that no matter what the end result is we will be able to close the door on 2006 and move on.

For those of you that have continued to check in on me over the past seven months, thank you.  I hope that you will stick around and follow my journey.  I don’t know where we will end up, but I invite you all along for the ride.

PS – “Daddy to Mudd”, if you are still reading, the paragraph above does not apply to you. You are more than welcome to continue to read my blog if you choose to.  Of course, you are getting ready to have your hands FULL with your first little bundle of joy (we can’t wait to hear if it is a boy or a girl) so I am almost positive that you aren’t reading anymore.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006
I was RUNNING!!!
I took the plunge this evening and registered to run in the local edition of the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. I then sent out an email to 75 of my closest friends and family and requested that they support me by donating a bit of change. I also publicly announced that I would like to run the 5K race in 35 minutes or less and I am bound to get a ton of grief if I don't stick with it.

This has been a hard year for my friends and friends of my friends. My mother is very active in her local affiliate of the Foundation and it is a good cause. I know that we all have dished out tons of cash over the past year (or five, or ten) but if you have a few bucks to spare I would appreciate the support.

P.'s Donation Page

Off I go to dust of the treadmill and dig out the running shoes...

Friday, July 21, 2006
Friday Thoughts...
I think that I have mentioned before that I work a 5/4 split in an "80" hour two week period. That is, I work 9 hour days, five days one week and four days the next. In actuality I work closer to 10 hours a day, plus my hour commute (each way). Usually I am really good about taking my day off. I stop to check my emails a couple of times (okay four or five) but I stay home, or I schedule appointments, or I go to the pool... today? Not. So. Much. I worked eight stinky, icky hours today.

Don't get me wrong, I love my work... but I feel like I am sliding down a slippery slope. Husband and I have both really thrown ourselves into our work since The Failure and sometimes I think we are obsessed. Soon we will be going on vacation and although I originally planned to leave my laptop at work and our laptop at home I don't think it is going to happen. Things are piling up and I jut don't know if I can let go for a week. AH!

Speaking of The Failure, Husband and I have been discussing the road in front of us and which path we want to take. We have had some very open discussions about adoption (international AND domestic) and about trying IVF again. I would like to take one more stab at creating a biological child of our own and it looks like we may try to get something scheduled at the end of the year. We are going to wait until the end of the year for a couple of selfish reasons. First, we have to jump back on this train (we had a relapse after The Failure) and second, I plan to get unbelievably intoxicated as I ring in my thirties.

So... here is my question. Do I 1) schedule with the clinic that I love with the Dr's that I love or 2) schedule with this clinic since this is definitely my LAST try? I am a very loyal person so chances are that I will stick with clinic #1 but input from my readers would be appreciated.