Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Climbing the First Hill...
When I was twelve I spent a week in California with a sports team that I was involved with. Once the competition was over we got to spend a couple of days touring the sites, hitting the beach, and going to The Big Theme Park. I remember that we went on a weekday so it wasn’t completely packed and since we didn’t have anything to do the next day we were allowed to stay until the park closed. As the night drew on the crowds dwindled down and the lines got shorter and shorter. A group of us girls decided that we would ride The Big Rollercoaster as many times as we could before the park closed. I remember the anticipation building as we stood in line. I remember the fear bubbling up in my stomach as we climbed that first big hill and the rush of adrenaline that coursed through my veins as we went sailing down the backside. I remember the dizzying effects of the corkscrew and the nauseas feeling in the pit of my gut as we flew over the little bumps. At the end I remember the crushing disappointment of the car returning to the station and the ride being over. What I remember most is that the feelings and emotions that I experienced were exactly the same the first time and the last.

I feel like each cycle is another ride on The Big Rollercoaster, filled with hills and corkscrews and little bumps. This cycle isn’t any easier than the first, and if I remove myself from today I realize that it really isn’t any harder either, the hills and bumps and corkscrews have just been rearranged. Today I get anxious about follicle size and sperm counts, where the first cycle I was anxious about EWCM and rising temperatures. Today my nausea stems from the fertility drugs and not the prenatal vitamins. The worst part is that first cycle or last, rearranged or the same, the ending has always been the same - disappointing.

Thank you to each and every one of you that has commented or sent me emails and well wishes. I really and truly appreciate your support. I hope that your wishes and thoughts all come true, that this is my last ride on the TTC rollercoaster, and that I am not dissapointed when it is over.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Two Notches on the Headboard...
IUI #2 is done. Things looked really good. I had a nice dark surge last night on my OPK and went in this morning for an ultrasound and the IUI. Here are the numbers:

Lining - 11
Follies = 1, left side 28mm
Post Wash Count = 24 mil

I will go back in tomorrow for a release scan and then the two week wait can officially begin. Things are so busy at work that I should be able to keep myself distracted, at least Monday-Friday :o)

Monday, August 22, 2005
Blonde and Bloated...
Why do weekends fly by so quickly? I can’t believe it is Monday again!

I heart my hairstylist. She did a FANTASTIC job of turning me back into a sassy blonde without making it look like I was trying to be a sassy blonde. I felt a bit like a zebra on Friday afternoon, but by Saturday morning I was used to the look and I love it!

Friday afternoon I spent shopping by myself (HATE IT) for a fancy-shmancy dress to wear to a friends wedding on Saturday night. By 4:00 I was at home in tears, downing a bottle of wine with no dress in hand. I always forget about the 5-10lb bloat that occurs when I take Clomid. Shopping for clothes while two sizes bigger than normal = BAD! Husband got home from work at 7:00 and we went back out together. I finally settled on a knee length, black strapless number that fit like a glove (ie. No over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder required) and did a nice job of hiding the pooch. Husband bought a new sport coat, a new shirt, and a new tie. I must say… we looked HOT!

The wedding on Saturday was fun. A very short ceremony followed by delicious hor’dourves and OPEN. BAR. The company was great and there were a few people there that I had not seen in a very long time.

Yesterday I got to take a nap with all the windows open and a cool breeze blowing through the house. Fall is upon us and I can’t wait!

Tomorrow I go in for a monitoring ultrasound. Hopefully there are a couple of good-looking follies in there. My OPK last night was dark, but not positive. I am thinking IUI will be tomorrow or Wednesday. Hold on folks the rollercoaster is about to leave the station.

Thursday, August 18, 2005
An Update and Rambling...
Tonight I take my last Clomid pill. I am glad to be finished with them. I hate taking pills and anything over my one vitamin a day freaks me out. No major goings on with me… I went in for a visit with the Wand Monkey after my period disappeared on day two. Nurse Not My Normal Nurse (who I had to talk to because Nurse NAN had to run off and get married and was on her honeymoon – how dare she?!) was concerned that something may be amiss. My normal WM was also on vacation (apparently they were between IVF cycles and the whole staff took advantage of the situation and went on vacation) and I was greeted (30 minutes late) by Big Momma WM – who had the personality of cow, no sense of humor and a not so gentle touch. I don’t know much as Big Momma WM was not forthcoming with information like Normal WM. Here is the sum total of what I got out of her “hmmmm…. Lining is thin, less than 1… oh looks like we have something over here but it is less than ten so you are okay to proceed”. Nice… I pay $210 bucks and that is what I get. Ah, bahhh… it is my only complaint about the RE’s office so far and I am very hard to please.

Things at work are busy. Good, but busy. I have not had much time to post lately and for that I apologize. One good thing about being on the road all the time was the unlimited Internet/blogging time I had in the evenings. Now that I am at home I have to be social and cook dinner and clean the house and stuff. I guess I shouldn’t complain – at least I am home with Husband. We have discussed getting a laptop so that we can sit in the living room and play on the Internet (our whole house is wired so all we have to do is plug in and go). I think we should probably hold of until after football season though, I can only imagine the conversations that will ensue:

Husband: Can I have the laptop? I need to check my fantasy football team.

P.: In a minute, I am in the middle of publishing a post.

Husband: Can’t that wait? [insert football player/team name] just scored and I need to know if I am winning RIGHT NOW.

P.: Does it really matter if you are winning RIGHT NOW? Isn’t it the final score on Tuesday night that matters? (Dog wakes up from her nap and looks at us – she hates when we bicker)

Husband: No, it is the score right now. If [insert football player/team name] does [insert action] then [insert fantasy football opponent name here] might get ahead and I will need [insert football player/team name] to do [insert action] for me to win. (Franticly switches between the picture in picture and the two different receivers on the cable box to make sure that he isn’t missing any action)

P.: You are obsessed. Just because you know what needs to happen doesn’t mean you can will it to happen.

Husband: Maybe it does – I’m going upstairs to check my score.

P.: Good. I win.

I am one of those girls that can sit through a long scoreless baseball game and never lose interest, but football puts me to sleep in minutes.

Tomorrow is my day off. I am going to get my hair highlighted for the first time in three years. It didn’t turn very blonde this summer and I have decided that it is time to resort to chemicals to get back to that light, fun and sassy color that I used to be. Saturday we have a wedding to go to and Sunday starts OPK hell. Wish me luck and have a fun weekend if I don’t check back.

Thursday, August 11, 2005
Where is my pot of gold...?
Rain always seems to bring out the worst in the drivers that live in my city. Yesterday was no exception. It took me over an hour to get home from work, but at least I had something beautiful to look at while I sat in traffic:

There are actually two rainbows there, the dark control rainbow and the light second rainbow... and I swear it isn't an evaporation rainbow! The sky is definitely pregnant! (Sorry, that joke was really bad, but I just couldn't resist!)

This morning I woke with a raging headache. I suppose it could be the hormones, but I am thinking it probably has more to do with the two and a half glasses of GN Shiraz that I had last night! I also seem to be having another cycle like this one?! I think I will bring it up with Nurse NAN when she calls me today. I just think it is weird to have a 33 day cycle and virtually no bleeding.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005
49 and 5...
So the start of a new cycle this morning didn't suprise me. Hope and I had a battle yesterday afternoon, but by the evening she had scurried back into her little hole, beaten and bruised. Today I will call Nurse NAN and go over my dates for this cycle. I will also ask her to refill my prenatal prescription, which fittingly I completly ran out of last night. So, onward and upward. Today signifies the start of cycle number 49 and year number five. Bartender?! I need a drink!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Knock, knock....
Edited: Badlands is back up and running - pop on over and visit her!

Monday, August 08, 2005
I'm Home...
... and Dead. Tired. It is amazing how much traveling can take it out of you. I made it to our weekend destination safe and sound Thursday evening and the weekend was fun. I wouldn't call it relaxing (we were constantly on the go) but the scenery was beautiful and the weather was perfect. The drive home yesterday took two hours longer than it should have and I failed to get anything done last night. It was nice to sleep in my own bed and to cuddle with my dog and cat. I had missed them something fierce. Today I am back at work, at my desk, in my office, in my home town. I am a very, very happy girl.

I am still in the 2WW - I suppose the second OPK was the positive one and that I am now 15 DPO. This is about to go down as the longest non-medicated cycle I have had since going off of BCP four years ago. The ta's are super sore and I expect the end to come first thing tomorrow. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005
In a desperate effort to cut my 2WW down to a 1WW I brought work back to the hotel with me:

Can you think of a better set up? Too bad I can't spend all 40 hours of the work week like this. Of course, if I did I would be a big fat alcoholic... but I would be happy :o) I am busting my ass trying to get all my work done so that I can go to Steamboat tomorrow afternoon and GO HOME on Sunday with Husband - For. Good.

Keep you fingers crossed for me. Gotta go get some grub and another beer. I am cashed out.

Monday, August 01, 2005
A Different 2WW...
I am on the road yet again. Today is, however, the first day of a different kind of two week wait. The end of this two week wait is certain to bring me joy - as it will bring and end to the endless travel that has been my life since April. Yes, that is right. In exactly 11 days I get to crawl into my bed at home knowing that the joy will not be short lived, knowing that I will not have to hit the highway again on Monday morning. Ahhh - the end is in sight and I am so relieved.

As for the other 2WW, it too is coming to an end. I don't expect the end to fill me with the same type of joy that the other will, but at least we can move on and I won't have to worry about travel and work interfering with my reproductive plans. I am either 8 or 11 DPO today. I am not quite sure as I had a bit of OPK confusion this month. I am leaning towards 11 DPO. The girls are getting sore and the twinges have started. I have packed plenty of black pants and ugly under00's just in case ;o) If things come to an end before CD5 of my next cycle I will have to make arrangements with Nurse NAN to have my prescription filled in the town I am working in. I don't expect it to be a problem but it is just one more thing to worry about.

Husband and I get to go here this weekend. We aren't actually going for the wine festival, but I would like to stop in for at least one tasting if we can. The hotel that we are staying at is absolutely beautiful and a large step up from our meager accommodations last year. Have I mentioned that I am a total hotel snob?! Oh yes, the worst - Husband constantly makes fun of me for it.

Lots of good things going on in the infertile blogging world. I am so happy for all of the ladies out there that have made it to the next step, whatever that step may be for them.

Can you believe it is August? This will definitely go down in my book as the summer that wasn't.

Alright, time for bed. Over and out.