Monday, December 12, 2005
Weekend Events...
You know you had a fun Saturday night when you wake up on Sunday morning to:
-A kitchen full of dishes including six empty wine glasses.
-Two empty wine bottles on the cabinet and another half empty in the fridge.
-Clothes strewn around the house.
-Couch cusions in the dining room and an open fold-out bed in the living room.

Um, yeah... enough said.

I am really enjoying our break but unfortunately as much as I try to ignore my body I can still just tell. We had an EWCM sighting and I couldn't resist the temptation to OPK. It was positive... at least I know my body is still working even though it isn't pumped full of drugs.

We tried to make candy on Saturday night. I am not sure if was the wine or the lack of experience but we went 0 for 3! I will get pictures up soon...

Friday, December 02, 2005
The One Where I Get Honest...
It is 11:00 on a Friday night and we are home from dinner with some friends. We had a nice time, the food was good and much beer and wine was consumed... actually - I am on glass #5. So, please excuse me if I slur :o)

First of all, thank you all for the overwhelming support. It is so good to know that you are all still checking in - even when I am out and about, busy at work and not blogging.

Alrighty then, what do I have to update you on? Well there is this... yes, this is my friend Jamila. I met her a very long time ago on Fertility Freak (oops, I mean Friend). She and I were the last two infertiles of a very fun group of girls that used to hang out on a message board entitled The Bar. I am so very happy to see her pregnant and she deserves big, huge hugs and lots and lots of love and encouragement from the infertile world. She has been through hell and I only wish the best for her.

In other news... there has been something on my mind that I wanted to share. I have been reserved about this for a couple of reasons, but the primary one is that one of my TRUEST real life friends found my blog last month. I am VERY glad that he did because he and his wife are dealing with similar issues and I think that my blog (and hopefully some others) will help them get through this hell. But... it makes it real, I mean really REAL. Someone out there that knows me and Husband and how we think, and our families, and well, everything about us, also knows exactly how fucking shitty this really is - and how hard it has been on Husband and I.

Anyway... here is the secret... in September we were given a "gift"; we found out that our insurance covered some of our infertility treatment. We have used and abused this "gift" and three covered IUIs later - no success. Last month I had a conversation with my mother about next Christmas and how we would be parents by then. I boiled over... I was frustrated with her diluted optimism. I won't go into details, but it was a fairly pessimistic conversation. Husband and I had just discussed the cost of IVF and how we were ABSOLUTLY unwilling to go into debt (again) in order to finance our infertility. We discussed waiting to do IVF or adopt until we had the money in the bank. I relayed all of this to Mom. It was Wednesday.

As most of you know I have every other Friday off of work. The Friday following the conversation with Mom was my day off. Some time around 3:00 my cell phone rang. It was Mom calling when Dad wasn’t around and Husband was at work. She was calling to offer us a GIFT, the gift of IVF… Their offer overwhelmed me and made me cry. If only I could put into words what this all means to me…

Husband and I have tentatively accepted their offer… I expect that the final agreement will be that any assistance given is a loan that will be repaid when we can give it and they need it.

So here we are - on the brink of IVF and scared shitless… yes, this is really happening.

PS – Daddy to Mudd, I really and truly love you and your beautiful wife. I hope that you will visit often, that you find some comfort in not being alone, and that eventually you will post – even if anonymously.