Thursday, June 30, 2005
I am a little blue today and need to vent. I guess this whole thing is probably catching up to me. The reality that I just spent over $1K on something that may or may not have worked has hit me like a ton of bricks. It isn't just the money, I am really regreting being such a blabber mouth to my friends about what we are doing. I thought that it would be better to have their support than to leave them in the dark, but now I realize that they don't understand. As much as they all want to be supportive and comforting, their comments and questions hurt more than they help. I am trying to be sympathetic to their ignorance... I mean this is their first 2WW and I have had over 40! I just can't deal... I have turned my cell phone on vibrate and am not answering it unless it is Husband. I am tired and can't seem to get enough sleep. I think I am sinking into a small depression. I feel like my life is out of my control and I hate it! Damn.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Omaha and Iowa... a recap

I promised detail on our recent trip so here we go...

Husband left for Omaha on Wednesday evening. He had a meeting to attend Wednesday night so he went a day earlier than I did. Sending him by himself almost ended up to be a huge mistake. We figured out when he was on the way to the airport that he didn't have a current credit card with him. We only use our credit cards for travel so we are not used to checking the expiration dates. I knew that checking into the hotel with nothing more than a debit card wasn't going to be a problem but I was concerned about him being able to pick up the rental car. I called Thrifty and their customer service staff was rude and completely unwilling to listen to our dilemma or try to help us come up with a solution. I finally broke down and called the credit card company and they were really helpful. They told us to have him call when he got to the rental car counter and they would authorize whatever amount was necessary to get him the car. Everything worked itself out in the end, but the process took so long that he ended up missing his Wednesday night meeting.

I had decided at the beginning that I would fly into Omaha on Thursday night so as to not have to miss any time from work. I didn't realize when I made my reservations that ASU was going to make it so deep in the college world series. By 10:00 am on Thursday morning I was so antsy to get to Omaha in time to watch my boys play ball that I skipped out on work, headed to the airport and jumped on a standby flight into Omaha. I made it there in time to go to the game (by myself - Husband had things to do) and watch the Sun Devils get beat. I was bummed that they lost, but happy to have made it in time to see them play.

Friday was pretty uneventful. We slept in and went to Husbands 12:45 appointment. When we got back to the hotel we took a nap, went to dinner with some old friends that live down I80 in Lincoln and returned to the hotel for some gambling and hanging out with friends. We set a wake-up call for 5:30 (Husband had a 6:00am appt.) and went to bed.

Saturday at 6:21 the cell phone rang and one of our friends inquired about our whereabouts. Seems we never got our wake-up call and had overslept. We ran out the door after throwing on some clothes and hurried on down the street. We returned to the hotel for yet another nap (are you seeing a recurrent theme here?) and then dressed to go to game one of the championship bracket for the CWS. It had rained all morning on Saturday so Husband and I both dressed for the game in t-shirts and jeans. Big mistake. BIG. HUGE. By the time we arrived at the game and snaked through the hour long general admission line the temperature had raised to a whopping 94 degrees and the humidity was unbelievable. I thought I was going to die. I told Husband that I either 1) was going to cut the legs off of my jeans, 2) was going to buy some overpriced shorts, or 3) was going back to the air-conditioned hotel. I ended up going with option number 2 and Husband and I both ended up with a pair of NCCA licensed athletic shorts at the discount price of $54.00! We had a great time at the game and then retired to the hotel where we set at 4:30am wake-up call for Sunday morning. One of our friends was sharing a room with us and his flight left at 7:00.

Sunday morning we woke at 5:25 to someone banging on our door. Seems that the wake-up call didn't come in again and our little buddy was about to miss his flight. He got out the door with lightening speed and Husband and I settled in for a bit more shut eye. We woke up about 10:00 and headed downstairs for a chat with the manager and some breakfast. The manager was a doll!! I heart him!!! He didn't charge us for Saturday night and upgraded Husband and I too a two room suite for our last night. It was beautiful and romantic. It had a whirlpool tub for two in the bedroom and a beautiful living room and wet bar area. We spent the afternoon relaxing in our cool new digs and drinking wine. We had a romantic dinner for two (crab legs and the best. steak. ever) and headed back to the room for some shut-eye before our early am flight on Monday.

All in all it was a great trip - quick and simple, with a little unexpected romance thrown in at the end.

Oh yeah - and I got to see a firefly... which I have never seen in my life and might just be the coolest bug ever! Like have said before - it takes very little to amuse me.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005
My destructive and camera shy dog.

EDITED: I think I have given you the wrong impression of my beautiful little girl. She stopped destroying our things about the time that she turned one. Now she just destroys the toys that we buy her. She her little stuffed reindeer toy - yup that is what she destroyed. Whithin minutes of pulling it out of her stocking (this was taken on Christmas morning).

I'm back...
Our quick little trip was great. We had a nice time, watched some great baseball and somehow managed to survive the heat and humidity. I am working on catching up on all my reading. It looks like there was some good news this weekend!

I went in for my 7 DPIUI progesterone draw this morning. I go in again on Friday and they will call me with my numbers for both on Friday afternoon. I am surviving this 2WW better than I had expected. I am sure that five days away from home helped.

I will post more about our trip soon (hopefully later today)!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005
The ultrasound this morning confirmed that both of my follies ruptured yesterday. I am so relieved! I was having a total panic attack this morning and was so concerned that I hadn't ovulated and that I had just thrown $285 bucks down the drain. I am very relieved...

Tuesday, June 21, 2005
The specs...
I made it through my first IUI. Nothing to it. It wasn't bad at all. I really like Dr. Funny's nurse, I will have to come up with a funny nick name for her! She was training a new nurse so I had two people to attend to me today. I did my ultrasound first and they found two mature follies, one at 28mm and one at 18mm. Nurse Needs A Funny Nickname said that the 28mm one would definitely release an egg and she was fairly confident that the 18mm one would too. My lining was "perfect" at 8.5 with multiple layers. This was the ting I was most concerned about so this news brought me great relief. Husband gets an A+ for his performance, final numbers post-wash, 22.03 million at 90% motility. WOOO HOOO!! I have to go back in tomorrow morning for one more ultrasound to confirm ovulation and then two blood draws next week to check my progesterone levels. They don't want me to HPT until July 6th. Boy is that a LONG time away!

All and all I feel pretty good about everything. Now we just wait. Thank you all for your warm wishes!

Edited: I think I have Husbands numbers wrong, he had 51 million post wash with 90% motility, resulting in "22.03 million motile sperm". I am still not sure I am reading that correctly, but regardless the numbers look okay, right?!

Monday, June 20, 2005
Woo hoo! I surged tonight. Off I go to have my first IUI bright and early in the morning. I am really excited that my body cooperated and that I didn't have to trigger. Now I just have to cross my fingers and hope that my lining is good enough to go ahead tomorrow. I was scheduled for an ultrasound at 8:00 so my IUI should be right around that time. Husband is going to go at 7:00 when they open. Whew... I just don't know what to think.

Note to self...
... do not try to fake it whilst having a quickie with Husband in the MRI machine!

I Heart....
... the nice man who just pushed a little old ladies broken-down car into a parallel parking spot on a very busy street downtown. Thanks for reminding me today that kind people do exist.

... my new purse which is big and holds everything but the kitchen sink!

... finishing a great book and getting to start a new one (side-bar to be updated soon!)

... being on CD13 and just a couple of days away from having some hope again.

Sunday, June 19, 2005
So Husband and I went out to dinner last night at the Black Eyed Pea (so NOT just for old people anymore). It was freezing in the restaurant so I went out to the car to get a jacket. I asked Husband to order me a beer. When I returned from the car he told me that the "tween" (you can serve liquor at 18 in my state) refused to bring my beer until he saw me. I can respect this, I am all about a responsible alcohol policy, and so I wait. A few minutes later he drops of my husband's drink and says, "You want a Corona", I say "yes, please" and he BARKS - no exaguration, "ID!", and something came over me and I barked back in my shitiest, meanest voice, "id, please?!" He got all offended and flustered after I verbally bitch slapped him - especially because his manager was standing right behind him and heard the whole thing! We got in the car to head home and hour later and Husband and I were still laughing about it. We were talking about how I usually just sit there dumbfounded and am never quick enough to put someone back in their place. Husband finally determined, and I think I agree, that it was pure Clomid rage.

So, to the tween with the spiky hair and the poor manners, I am sorry that I raged at you and got you in trouble with your boss. You should thank my husband next time you see him for the tip, because it wasn't what I was going to leave you with.

Friday, June 17, 2005
Rants and Question...
First - If you choose to buy a gas guzling 4x4, lower it and put big fat tires on it... take a driving lesson and learn how to keep said big fat tires in your own lane! Why anyone in this state would do that to a 4x4 is beyond me... I can't imagine that it does well in the snow and ice.

Second - It is not polite to go to Starbucks in the height of the morning rush with orders from ten of your co-workers and they pay for them SEPERATELY! Do you have any idea how late you made me for work yesterday you little winch?

My question is this... I am CD10 and just finished my Clomid last night. Usually on Clomid I am drier than the Arizona desert in July. This month, not so much (check the chart if you want details). I am concerned that my little body is going to push out an egg too soon and I am going to miss it but I think I heard that OPK's can give false positives if taken too close behind the drugs? I am not supposed to start my OPK's until Sunday but I want to start tonight. Any suggestions?

Thursday, June 16, 2005
I can not tell a lie...
I spent some time talking this over with Husband yesterday and he advised me to just be honest. I thought about it for a while and decided that he was right. I work in a very small section, of a medium sized division, of a large department, of a HUGE organization. My little section is pretty close. There are only five of us, one boss and four employees and we work as a team. I just decided that it was going to stress me out more to hide the truth from Boss than it would to just spill - so I did, and he was very supportive. I feel much better to have it off of my chest.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005
I am having to request little bits of time away from work at least once a week in order to get in for my monitoring appointments, blood work, etc. Should I tell my boss what is going on or just let him think I am dying of some crazy disease? I have to tell him it is "medical" or I have to use my annual leave and I don't want to do that. URGH! What have you done?

Tuesday, June 14, 2005
And we bitch about the 2WW...
... thank God I am not a Panda!

And the verdict is...

I finally got my test results at 6:00 last night. Bless the little RN's heart - she was working late trying to get caught up! So here they are:

FSH = 6
Prolactin = 8.5
E2= 60
TSH = 1.63

According to Dr. Google and Dr. Funny all of my numbers fall within the good-normal range! I am very excited about this. They don't have my CBC results back, but will call me with them when they come in.

I am on day three of my Clomid. I take it at night before bed to minimize the side effects, but WOW let me tell you about the crazy hot flash I had in the car this morning... sweaty, sweaty, sweaty! Good thing I layered on the Degree!

I have tons to do today at work... ugh!

Monday, June 13, 2005
Ah they joys of being home...
1. I get to sleep in my own bed.
2. I get to cuddle with my dog my cat and Husband.
3. I don't have to eat out (my waistline is suffering from all the travel).
4. I am not living out of a suitcase.
5. I can tend to my garden and work around the house.

While all of the above are great I forgot how nice it was to have a one minute (literally) commute and to have someone else make me breakfast and coffee. Oh well, I made it in today and only a couple of minutes after 8:00. Must. Drink. Coffee. NOW!

I took my first Clomid pill last night and hopefully I will get my test results from Friday sometime this afternoon.

Friday, June 10, 2005
So I am home from the RE. It was a great appointment! I really like my Dr. (Dr. Funny) and think I made the right choice on which clinic to pick. Dr. Funny spent about an hour with me going over my history and my options. He advised that Husbands morphology was really borderline (6%) and we opted to move straight to medicated and monitored IUI. They did a bunch of blood work today (FSH, E2, Prolactin and TSH) and I had a baseline ultrasound. The tech said everything looked good, no cysts and 12 follies ( 7 on the right and 5 on the left)! I am going to use Clomid again, 50 mg days 5-9 and will call if I get see a surge on my OPK prior to CD 14. If not I will go in on CD 14 for a follie and lining check and if all is good he will trigger me! He offered the trigger after I explained that Husband will be leaving town the night of CD 15 therefore rendering it impossible to do an IUI after that day. Obviously if things aren't okay on day 14 we will have to cancel the IUI for this month. He also wants to do two progesterone checks this month, one at 8 days after my LH surge and one at 11 days after. He is concerned that my levels may be falling off too quickly.

Anyway, I am really excited to get all my numbers back (probably on Monday) and to have to ball rolling, FINALLY!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005
... right on time! I am actually not disappointed this month. I knew there was no chance with our poor timing and ALL the travel. My RE appointment is in less than 48 hours and I am thrilled. PLUS, I get to leave to go home in three hours. I. Can't. Wait!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Dear Body...
Dear Body,

Thank you for fulfilling my earlier request. As it is Tuesday afternoon, you now have my blessing to spring the flow on me at any time. I will be able to complete my testing just as I wanted to on Friday.

Now, it is time for me to grovel and beg again. In the past you have been timely and predictable. Please, please, please do not abandon these ways now. I really, really need you to cooperate with me here. I need to ovulate prior to Husband leaving town. This requires that I ovulate EXACTLY on time on CD 15 - CD 13 or 14 would be even better. Just another small request from the body that has put me through sheer hell for almost four years.

Yours truly,


The Upside and The Downside...
... the upside is that my body seems to be cooperating with my previous request and there is no sign of my period arriving today. I do have PMS and my temperature is falling but I should be fine now to have my CD3 bloodwork and a baseline ultrasound done with my consulation on Friday.

... the downside is that if my body doesn't fulfill my next request I will end up ovulating in June while my Husband is out of town. This is a trip that can not be cancelled or postponed. I am wondering if I should request an unmedicated IUI this cycle if I get the all clear since I NEVER ovulate later than day 15 on my own and that would enable us to do the IUI before leaving town. I am concerned that if I do any type of drug it will postpone ovulation and then I will be fucked, fucked and fucked! According to my stats I will be out of town during the begining of my cycle and ovulation in July and I will be out of town during the begining of my August cycle.

I swear we can't get a break and I am NOT game for postponing treatment until September. Something is going to have to give... I think it is time for a talk with the boss.

Monday, June 06, 2005
I want to go home...
I have a severe case of PMS. I am starting to bloat, I am a little bit irritable, I didn't sleep for shit last night and I want to go HOME! I cried like a baby when Husband left to go home yesterday afternoon and then went back to the hotel, drank a beer and promptly climbed into bed and slept for three hours. Depressed? Me? No....

T-minus 48 1/2 hours until I get a four week reprieve.... tick, tock, tick, tock.

Friday, June 03, 2005
Locked Out...
I have StatTracker so I can tell who visits my site and what website referred them to me. Lately I have been getting a bunch of hits linking from a particular site. Thing is, this site is password protected. I am a little confused by this... I know that people are going to read my blog that don't post comments and I know that not everyone that reads my blog is going to have a blog of their own. I myself lurked for months before posting a comment and it was almost a year before I started my blog, but this person does have a blog and has a link to me and I have no idea who they are.

It really doesn't matter, it just has been nagging at me... I am obsessive like that.

Oh well - Hello Password Protected Blogger who has a link to me but hasn't revealed their identity! I hope that all is well with you and if you feel compelled I would love to have the "key" to your blog so that I can offer you the same support that my readers offer me. But if you don't want to that is okay - I will get over it. Eventually :o)

Yee Haw!
I thought I was going to have to spend the weekend sans Internet... but I have been blessed! Thank goodness for free Internet at the Holiday Inn! My husband is coming to the town that I am working in this weekend - not by choice exactly, but regardless - HE IS COMING! I am so excited because I have missed him a ton this week and I really needed a break from the long commute so I was glad to not have to make the drive!

I just finished dinner with a good friend. Husband's commitment this weekend is also a commitment for a bunch of our friends... so I have LOTS of visitors. He He! Anyway, I am debating telling this friend why we really don't have any kids. She is such a compassionate woman and I really think that she would be a strong support system for me. I have a hard time sharing our? my? problems with people (real life people - Internet friends don't count). I don't want too many people to know. I am torn - not that I'm not torn all the time! My friend, we will call her Husker, is older. She just turned 41? 42? and has three beautiful (not exaggerating) children. Husker and her Husband are the most perfect parents in the world. I only hope to be half of what they are! I don't think that she had any fertility struggles but I guess you never know until the cat comes out of the bag. I suppose that I will just have to wait and see if the time is ever right to bring the subject up. So tell me your stories. Have to you told someone in real life and come to regret it? Have you told someone and found yourself a great friend and confidant? Hmmmm.... just don't know.

On a totally unrelated note (geesh I am jumping around tonight), one of our Peonies bloomed today! We have three, the momma, the daddy and the baby. For those of you that don't know Peonies are heirloom plants and live for a very, very long time if cared for properly - hence the naming and the overwhelming excitement over them. We didn't even know the baby existed until about two weeks ago. Ah, time for another aside.. we built our house last year and we didn't hire someone to put our landscaping in until late fall. Therefore we have never seen any of our plants in bloom and we really have no idea what was put in the ground! Isn't it pretty?!

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That is the daddy – named so because he is by far the largest of the family. Husband told me earlier this week that the baby had a blossom on it. I am really excited since it was so late to come up but I think it is really interesting that the momma is the only one in the family that is failing to produce. Oh well, I guess her time will come too.

Check it out...
Julie has a great post today that I fully agree with but could never have expressed as eloquently. If you have a minute swing by and check it out:

Fundies, slaves, junkies, gays, and 'Flakes

Thursday, June 02, 2005
Great Deal or Wasted Pocket Change?
I am a make-up snob. I don't know how it started, but I am hooked on MAC products and I won't wear anything else. Lately I have become a bit discouraged by their lipgloss (sticky, sticky, sticky) and their mascara (thick, clumpy and did I mention thick) and I am considering a change. Mac products aren't the most expensive, but they are not cheap either and I hate throwing away a $10 tube of mascara or a $14 lipgloss. I came across the following link today, has anyone used these products? Are they a great deal or am I wasting my pocket change if I try them out. A buck a piece... for everything they sell... no shit!

Is it Friday yet?
I am in desperate need of a nap. And a home cooked meal. And another vacation. I am just plain exhausted. The whole traveling thing is really catching up with me. I don't sleep well on the road, I eat way too much crappy food and I spend way too much time being idle. I HATE to be idle. Don't get me wrong, I love to curl up with a good book, but every night is getting a little old. So today I feel like shit. I need to find someplace to eat dinner where the food isn't fried, drenched in cream sauce or a bacon-cheese burger. The problem is that I am in a small town that doesn't have the kind of food that I like to eat when I am in a hurry or by myself. For example... there is no Noodles, no Chipolte, and no Souper Salad. There are all the basic chains here, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Outback, Applebee's, Chili's, and Red Robin but seriously, I can't eat there anymore. I am over it! Anyone want to cook me dinner?

I found another way to pass the time last night. My legs are only red because moments before I snapped the picture I was actually sitting in the hot tub reading my book and drinking a beer.

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Finally, has anyone else noticed that Blogger's spell check SUCKS? "Blog" is not found in their dictionary. I must start typing my entries in Word and spell checking them so as to not reveal yet another embarrassing tidbit about myself.... I can't spell!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Commercial printers are stronger than you would think...
... I know this because I just dropped a huge, HP LaserJet on the floor and it exploded into fifteen pieces. Of course, it decided to stop and have a visit with my knee cap on the way down which is now bruised and bloody. At least it didn't rip my favorite pants - then I would be pissed. Anyway, as I felt the printer coming apart (note to self... printers with more than one paper drawer are not necessarily attached into one piece) I started to panic. You see, this is not my printer, nor is it Employers printer. Rather it is the printer of the company whose office I am currently working in. It's bad enough to think that you are busting Employers office equipment, but Not Employers is down right scary. I spent the last fifteen minutes putting the pieces back together (thank goodness I am slightly mechanically inclined) and IT STILL WORKS! Phew.... I can breath now. Anyone have an ice pack?

I did it!
Yippee for me (pats self on back)! Check out the links. They are all updated and organized. If I missed you please let me know and I will add you. I tried to get everyone :o)

This cracked me up!
Check it out... I thought it was really funny!

Store Wars

Things are just plugging away for me. I am back on the road again. Two more weeks and then I get a little break! Wooo hooo. Only ten more days until my appointment with the RE. I got all of my paperwork mailed of on Tuesday so they should have plenty of time to review my file and past medical records before I go in for my consultation.

I didn't get to updating my links this weekend... I am a bad blogger! Soon, I swear it is coming soon!

Big hugs to my virtual friends out there. I know a few of you are having a harder than average week. I am thinking about ya!