Thursday, June 30, 2005
Blue...
I am a little blue today and need to vent. I guess this whole thing is probably catching up to me. The reality that I just spent over $1K on something that may or may not have worked has hit me like a ton of bricks. It isn't just the money, I am really regreting being such a blabber mouth to my friends about what we are doing. I thought that it would be better to have their support than to leave them in the dark, but now I realize that they don't understand. As much as they all want to be supportive and comforting, their comments and questions hurt more than they help. I am trying to be sympathetic to their ignorance... I mean this is their first 2WW and I have had over 40! I just can't deal... I have turned my cell phone on vibrate and am not answering it unless it is Husband. I am tired and can't seem to get enough sleep. I think I am sinking into a small depression. I feel like my life is out of my control and I hate it! Damn.


9 Comments:

Blogger Larisa said...

So sorry you are having a rough time of it. Don't answer that phone if you don't want to , and complain all you want!

Blogger Donna said...

This is an extremely stressful time, and you are at the mercy of I-don't-know-who as to whether this works or not. So feeling like your life is out of control is appropriate. Take solace where you can find it.

Blogger Mellie said...

You're doing everything you can and doing as well as can be expected. You're not out of control in the least. Hang in there, and if you need words of encouragement, let us know.

Anonymous Sarah/badlands said...

I know that feeling well, and it is hard to pull oneself out of it. But trust yourself to know that what you are feeling is totally natural. And ditto Donna: find something that makes you happy and do it twice.

Blogger Suz said...

I'm so sorry that you're having such a rough time of it. Having to educate people when you just want sympathy and understanding can be difficult. Take care of yourself, do what you need to do.

Blogger PJ said...

That's exactly what happened to me this cycle. I made the mistake of telling everyone in the family and my close friends and every day I'd get a call from someone, are you pregnant yet?

Good and bad. I eventually started to let them all go to voicemail and did exactly what you did.

Hang in there.

Anonymous elle said...

Sorry you are feeling so down. I didn't tell anyone (except my husband, of course) about my m/c & IF, b/c I feel like my shitty life experiences are not educational fodder. It's always explaining. People are just really dumb. So sorry you are discovering this too. Hang in there.

Blogger Julie said...

~throwing a life preserver~

I know what you are going through. I've been through it a few times myself. It will pass. A little bit of assvice for you... get a copy (or two or three) of "Infertility Sucks". It's hysterical reading (for you) and gerat advice for your friends and family.

One thing I realized is that you are going to have 3 groups of friends. Group 1 is your infertile friends. They are going through the same shit as you. Group 2 is your friends that get it. They've never been through it but they just instinctively know what to say (or not to say). Group 3 just doesn't get it and you really can't share much information with them.

Take some time for yourself. Get a massage. Do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.

Blogger Jamila said...

oh, P. F 'em. Do whatever you need to do to stay sane. I've felt the sting of other people's naive optimism - they have no idea how unhelpful that is.

I second Julie's non-assvice. Lean on us. We get you.

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