Friday, December 02, 2005
The One Where I Get Honest...
It is 11:00 on a Friday night and we are home from dinner with some friends. We had a nice time, the food was good and much beer and wine was consumed... actually - I am on glass #5. So, please excuse me if I slur :o)

First of all, thank you all for the overwhelming support. It is so good to know that you are all still checking in - even when I am out and about, busy at work and not blogging.

Alrighty then, what do I have to update you on? Well there is this... yes, this is my friend Jamila. I met her a very long time ago on Fertility Freak (oops, I mean Friend). She and I were the last two infertiles of a very fun group of girls that used to hang out on a message board entitled The Bar. I am so very happy to see her pregnant and she deserves big, huge hugs and lots and lots of love and encouragement from the infertile world. She has been through hell and I only wish the best for her.

In other news... there has been something on my mind that I wanted to share. I have been reserved about this for a couple of reasons, but the primary one is that one of my TRUEST real life friends found my blog last month. I am VERY glad that he did because he and his wife are dealing with similar issues and I think that my blog (and hopefully some others) will help them get through this hell. But... it makes it real, I mean really REAL. Someone out there that knows me and Husband and how we think, and our families, and well, everything about us, also knows exactly how fucking shitty this really is - and how hard it has been on Husband and I.

Anyway... here is the secret... in September we were given a "gift"; we found out that our insurance covered some of our infertility treatment. We have used and abused this "gift" and three covered IUIs later - no success. Last month I had a conversation with my mother about next Christmas and how we would be parents by then. I boiled over... I was frustrated with her diluted optimism. I won't go into details, but it was a fairly pessimistic conversation. Husband and I had just discussed the cost of IVF and how we were ABSOLUTLY unwilling to go into debt (again) in order to finance our infertility. We discussed waiting to do IVF or adopt until we had the money in the bank. I relayed all of this to Mom. It was Wednesday.

As most of you know I have every other Friday off of work. The Friday following the conversation with Mom was my day off. Some time around 3:00 my cell phone rang. It was Mom calling when Dad wasn’t around and Husband was at work. She was calling to offer us a GIFT, the gift of IVF… Their offer overwhelmed me and made me cry. If only I could put into words what this all means to me…

Husband and I have tentatively accepted their offer… I expect that the final agreement will be that any assistance given is a loan that will be repaid when we can give it and they need it.

So here we are - on the brink of IVF and scared shitless… yes, this is really happening.

PS – Daddy to Mudd, I really and truly love you and your beautiful wife. I hope that you will visit often, that you find some comfort in not being alone, and that eventually you will post – even if anonymously.


15 Comments:

Anonymous Mary Scarlet said...

What a lovely gift ... your family is wonderful to want to support you in this. I'm so glad to hear.

Blogger Larisa said...

What an amazing, wonderful gift!!! I sincerely hope that it all works out.

Blogger Donna said...

The gift of IVF -- hopefully it will be a gift that keeps on giving, in the form of a child.

Blogger Jamila said...

thank you, sweetie. Nothing would make me happier than for us to go through this together, like we've gone through so much else.

Your mother's gift is amazing! How generous - although I'm sure it's somewhat motivated by self-interest (sounds like someone wants a grandchild!). Use it well, and GOOD LUCK!

Blogger Sheryl said...

What an amazing gift that a parent could give her child... and as Donna says... hopefully it will be the gift that keeps on giving!!

Anonymous Z said...

that's is awesome news...scary, i understand but still very cool of your parents!

Anonymous anne said...

Wow, what a generous gift. I know how overwhelming the reality getting ready to start IVF is and I wish you all of the best. I hope your IVF cycle results bring you and your husband a very happy 2006!

Blogger Nico said...

I'm totally blown away by your mom's offer. I think it's amazing. Beautiful. *sniff*.

Anonymous Mudd's Daddy said...

After all these years of drinking Corona's, eating Glop, rinsing the dishes, watching two 10-year-olds play Madden while totally drunk... here we are, acting like adults, trying to get pregnant and in the same boat together almost eight years after we met. Reading your post today brought tears to my eyes. I wish we lived closer together and not several states away. I wish we weren't both spending money on all these procedures and instead spending money on our kids. We'll both be there someday soon, whether through science or adoption, and we can yet again have a few corona's and talk about how our kids are growing up... and how they'll be playing Madden while their dads play with them when they're 50. I love you and your husband and will always be here for you guys to talk to.

Anonymous thalia said...

Wow. I'm so glad you were brave enough to tell your mother the real story and be honest about how you were feeling. What a wonderful gift.

Blogger Kim said...

Hello! I've just found your blog and have added you to my blog list. Please let me know if you'd rather not be there.

P.S. You have a wonderful mother.

Blogger k #2 said...

What a truly loving and heartwarming gift...from your parents who want nothing more than for you to know the same experience.

I am crying with happiness for you (damn, this is the 2nd post that has made me truly cry today).

Blogger elle said...

Wow, Congrats to you! That is really wonderful!

Blogger zhl said...

What a wonderful gift. I'm glad that your family is supportive.

Anonymous T said...

That is truly an amazing gift - how lovely!

Assvice: Do you have a shared risk program in your area? Might be worth checking out. I know nobody likes to think about the first one not working, but some places are only 1 or 2 grand more than one cycle. It gets addictive.

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